I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize