Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
