I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
