i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
