if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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