took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
