Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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