I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize