Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
