I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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