i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
