I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
