you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize