And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
