They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize