My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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