Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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