We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
