Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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