WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Come on in and take your pants off
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