God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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