I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
