mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
