It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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