I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
