Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
