We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize