Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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