So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize