Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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