Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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