"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
