Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
