I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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