Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
