Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
