sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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