It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
