I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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