How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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