How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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