I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
