My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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