I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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