belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
