Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
