I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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