I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
