and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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