If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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