my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
