I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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