I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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