His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
