God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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