It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
