Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
