I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
