new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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