new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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