Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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