puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
