Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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