I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
