I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
