You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
