I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
