we have officially lost it.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
