they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
