I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize