I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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