is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
