Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
