he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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