nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
