Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
