Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
