he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
