Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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