the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
