She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk is not a location!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
