My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You just made me feel so damn special
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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