What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
