im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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