flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My vagina just recognized that song.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
