i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
not ubering you a puppy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
