Already got asked if we're dating
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Randomize
