he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
