you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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