I need help removing her.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
