Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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