Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
