apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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