my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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