Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
