Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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