Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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