Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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