just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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