stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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