i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
