Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
