I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
