I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
