just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
