you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
