Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
