It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
