Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
