ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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