So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
