put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
