you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
