We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
