a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
